A Guide to Being Kevin Federline

Ever wanted to be Kevin Federline? Of course! Who wouldn’t?

Surprisingly, emulating Kevin Federline is easy! Here’s a five step guide to Being Kevin Federline:

1) Find someone to Leech Off Of

Kevin Federline makes it look so easy - but finding the right woman to

leech off of is difficult work. The key to any great livlihood is

finding a successful - but unstable - person capable of enabling your

full dependency and leeching. Choose wisely - imagine the sort of

failure you would feel if she ever ran out of money! Also - a true

genius would make sure to NEVER to sign any paperwork prior to marriage

that might compromise your entitlement to all of her earnings - after

all, you are sacrificing your career and existence to make her happy!

2) Look as Though you are Entitled to Everything

Kevin Federline’s worthlessness is not just a style - its a state of

mind. Go through life with the look and aura that screams - “I deserve

this kind of celebrity and money” or “I work hard for this lifestyle.”

If you reek of self-absorbtion, people will appreciate and respect you.

3) Always look Disheveled

There is NEVER a need to dress fancy or look suave. In fact, the more

disheveled you appear and dress, the more apparent it is to the world

that you work hard for your lifestyle and that you don’t take crap from

nobody!

4) Never, EVER Shave

Shaving is so unneeded. If everyone had the full schedule that Kevin

Federline has, no one would ever shave! Federline’s trashy facial hair

is merely a mark of a busy man’s life.

5) Always Wear Wife-Beater Undershirts

This seems so simple… but it’s often forgotten. Whenever you have the

opportunity - wear a white wife-beater. Wife-beater udershirts go well

with anything - jean shorts, slacks, or underneath a great Gucci suit.

About Kevin Federline:

Born 21 March 1978 in Fresno County, California, Kevin Earl Federline

is sometimes known as K-Fed. Federline is a dancer and star of the

reality television show Britney and Kevin: Chaotic. On the night of

September 18, 2004, a mere two months after his son was born to nobody

Shar Jackson, he married pop star Britney Spears in a surprise

ceremony at a private home in Studio City, California. Britney

reportedly had to pay for her five carat (1 g) engagement ring.

Federline and Spears signed a prenuptual agreement - after all, Britney

is worth millions and Kevin is worthless. Federline has two children –

daughter Kori (born on 31 July 2002) and son Kaleb (born on 20 July

2004) both from Shar Jackson. On April 12th, 2005, Britney Spears

announced through her website that she was expecting her first child

with Kevin - Sean Preston Spears Federline was born on September 14,

2005.

Before meeting Britney, Federline worked as a back-up dancer for Spears’ ex-boyfriend, Justin Timberlake.

Federline’s first studio album is due out in early 2006 and is to be

called “The Truth” with his first single “U Dont Know”. The album is

reported to include tracks such as “True Lies”, “When I See You”, “Fly

Out” and a track featuring Britney called “Tell Us Why”.

Kevin Federline basics:

Birth Place: Fresno County, California, USA

Date of Birth: March 21, 1978

Heritage: American

Famous for: Star of the reality television show Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Talents: Generally speaking - completely talentless

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